A Little Story

I lay here still; as still as though a single movement could knock down an entire city, my eyes wide open piercing into the dimly lit bathroom that has become my source of escape. My dead, black heart beating against my sickly green skin, the power of my beating heart so intense that it could explode, shattering my body into agony, leaving me gasping for air and clinging on to those few good memories i have and then it will take me, take me to a world where i don't have to think of her.

Where all the pain disappears and the ache in my stomach can finally settle, allowing my soul to leave my lifeless body and move on.

And here as i lay on the cold, wet floor i know i am the reason for my own heart break, it wasn't her words that cut me deep like a blade, or her actions that finished the only goodness left in this world.

The tears came then, running down my face and settling around my neck, leaving it moist and  itchy, i tried to scratch the skin so it would settle, but i was so angry and the action left thick, red scars.

I panicked as the small amount of blood seeped on to my fingers, i stared at my hand in shock, i closed my eyes to capture the tears so they wouldn't fall, but it was no use, i was so desperately ruined.

My body managed to pull itself up from the floor, the movement felt like trying to shift a million bricks, i grabbed a couple of tissues from the box on the windowsill and then wiped away the blood from my hands and the rest that had dried onto my neck.

When i was cleaned i turn to look at my reflection in the mirror beside me, my face looked hollow and as if i was made from wax. I touched the skin and it was dry, my eyes were red with tears and my lips were chapped because i had chewed on them so roughly.

Was this what i had come to?

I see no future for me here, not in this town where all the memories i have are of the same, wonderful and beautiful women that caught me in her web three years ago. I smiled awkwardly as i remembered and then the devastation hit me again, it nearly knocked me back.

And as though an Angel heard me, my mobile phone started ringing, my favourite song filling the bathroom, i stood in shock and prayed the caller would be her.

I stiffly rushed to the toilet where it was placed and picked up the phone, to my utter surprise it was her, a picture of us on our first trip to Spain flashed in my face, our smiles so distinct that our happiness radiated from it.

I clicked the answer button and held the phone to my sweating ear,

"Hello? Maria?" My scratchy voice spoke down the phone,

"Harry, yes it's me, i am at your door, can you let me in?" Her voice was harsh, demanding as though she was hear for a strict purpose, rather than to willingly take me back. I started crying, my hand rushed to my mouth in order to keep it quiet.

"Yes, i shall be there in a moment."

The call ended and i had this one special minute, to try and explain to her that she was the only reason for anything i did.

I quickly made myself look more presentable and then i rushed downstairs, not bothering to switch on the lights. I ran through the kitchen and to the front door, i could see her standing there waiting furiously for me through the glass.

I switched on the hall light and scrambled through my coat pocket for a key, when the door was unlocked she walked straight in and closed it behind her.

"I am glad you're here," i sighed in relief as i saw her face, she smiled a little and then her expression was cold.

"I am not here for you, i am here because i am leaving tonight, i am going to stay with my sister, i need to collect a couple of things." Her eyes never met with mine, instead she crossed her arms and looked at the floor.

It was only two hours ago i had admitted the horrible adultery i had been doing behind her back, she cried for ten minutes then left, i was expecting her to return so we could discuss it.

"Maria please, i am so sorry for the terrible hurt i have caused you and i am being honest when i say i truly love you, i can't imagine a world where you can I, don't exist." My voice broke then and i stopped to catch my breathe, my hand rubbed my head desperately thinking of what i could possibly say.

"Where you thinking that, Harry? When you was with that other women? When you were betraying me, in a way i thought you were not capable of doing?"

Her hazel eyes became watery then and so she inhaled a deep breathe and rubbed her chin, her red hair was tangled around her face and her make-up was smudged, i see now how broken she must feel.

"It was a mistake Maria, i huge mistake that i deeply regret. Please Maria stay with me, give me a second chance i would never do this again." My words were true, i was dying inside as we stood here just looking at one another.

"How many times did it happen? Out of curiosity?" I wasn't sure if this was a make or break question, so i lent back on the wall and prepared to answer.

"The first time was three months in to our relationship and i pathetically pushed it to the back of my mind. It happened again when we met on the street a couple of months back, well... it happened several times, within the space of a month."

I cried as i spoke and watched her nod her head, her eyes wide with fury.

"I find it hard to believe that you could love me, you couldn't love a person, who you have spent most of your relationship with them, cheating on them." She paused and looked up at the ceiling.

"Can i..." She cut me off as i tried to defend myself.

"I am not finished! Now when i met you i thought i had finally met the man of my dreams, my best friend and a person who would go to any length to protect me. But i was fooled, i was never the only one, there's always been that other women. Harry, that is just not good enough for me, i deserve better than a rat like you."

She walked away then, stalking out of the room to get what she needed, i screamed out loud with tears and i could not control it. I was pulling at my hair and gagging for air, Maria was not coming back, i had lost the love of my life.