Halloween

Happy Halloween

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I do really like Halloween because i think that witches come out on Halloween and dance about the woods casting spells, this may not be true but if i was a witch i would go dancing in the woods on Halloween.

Unfortunatly i am past the age of going trick or treating and haven't had a chance to dress up, i am disappointed in how poorly decorated my living room is for Halloween.

Perhaps i should get my own decorations next year.

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Here are some Halloween Facts.

• Signs of a werewolf are a uni brow, hair palms, tattoos, and a long middle finger.
•  Vampires are mythical beings who defy death by sucking the blood of humans.
• In 1962, The Count Dracula Society was founded by Dr. Donald A. Reed. 
• To this day, there are vampire clubs and societies with people claiming to be real vampires.
• There really are so-called vampire bats, but they're not from Transylvania. They live in Central and South America and feed on the blood of cattle, horses and birds.
• Many people still believe that gargoyles were created by medieval architects and stone carvers to ward off evil spirits.
• If you see a spider on Halloween, it could be the spirit of a dead loved one who is watching you.
• To meet a witch, put your clothes on inside out and walk backwards on Halloween night.

As i was looking over the internet for some Halloween facts, i found a site that explained the truths about witches and the myths.

For me the myths are a lot more interesting and related to Halloween, so here are the so called myths of witches.

Witches are evil and worship Satan.

Witches use witchcraft to cast spells and curses on people.

Witches ride around on broomsticks.

All witches own black cats and can turn into black cats.

Witches melt when you pour water on them.

Witches are immortal.

Facts about werewolves.

I found some of these on a website and are a mixture of the truths and myths about werewolves.

Werewolves are human beings under a curse.

A werewolf, after being killed will turn into a vampire.

Silver bullets are the only thing that can kill a werewolf.

Werewolves are immortal.

When a werewolf turns back into a human they have no recollection of the previous events as a werewolf.

Werewolf hunters believe you can get away from a werewolf and be safe by climbing an ash tree.

I am continuing the Halloween facts 

:)

Girls who carry a lamp to a spring of water on this night can see their future husband in the reflection. 

If you hear footsteps trailing close behind you on Halloween night, do not to turn around to see who it is, for it may be Death himself! To look Death in the eye, according to ancient folklore, is a sure way to hasten your own demise.

A person born on Halloween can both see and talk to spirits.

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The Witches Caldron
"Eye of newt, and toe of frog,
Wool of bat, and tongue of dog"
"Adder's fork, and blind-worm's sting,
Lizard's leg, and owlet's wing"

"For a charm of powerful trouble,
Like a hell-broth boil and babble"

"Double, double, toil and trouble,
Fire burn, and caldron bubble"

There's a goblin at my window,
A monster by my door.
The pumpkin at my table
Keeps on smiling more and more.
There's a ghost who haunts my bedroom,
A witch whose face is green.
They used to be my family,
Till they dressed for Halloween. 

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Betrayal

I have been betrayed by somebody and it has really upset me, i wish that person never told me they knew about my - meant to be - secret blog and that i wasn't watching what i was writing right now and regretting what i have previously wrote. And now i can't write any more little stories again.
If you are reading this you are continuing the betrayal against me, even if i told you to look at this post.
I am deeply saddened by this unfortunate event.
:)

Best Friends and Boyfriends

This post i am writing is about something that has been affecting me a lot recently.

I have two best friends Rose and Lucy, we are completely different people but we get along really well, we all used to work together until me and Lucy quit where we worked before.

The problem is we all have boyfriends.

I have been going out with my boyfriend for just over nine months and then Rose got her boyfriend in May and Lucy just the other month.

Whilst me and Lucy were at leeds festival there was the first issue, i had gone looking for my boyfriend one night but couldn't find him so i went back to our tent.

I had informed Lucy where i was going to check if it was okay and she was on the phone to her boyfriend and seemed fine with it.

When i got in the tent she was there getting into her sleeping bag and she shouted really harshly at me about how i put my boyfriend first and make no time for anybody else.

I proved to her how that wasn't true and spent the rest of the time there not daring to ask if i could go find him.

I was deeply hurt by what she has said because i make a huge point that boyfriends aren't everything and you don't know how long it will last no matter how good the relationship and i would never dream of turning my back on my best friends just because of a boy.

Of course it doesn't help that Lucy doesn't really like my boyfriend and he doesn't like her at all, but they don't know that and they get along fine when they're together.

And now everything is totally different.

This time last year just Rose had a boyfriend - not the one she is with now - but he was at uni so it never stepped in the way. We were always together buying takeaways and watching films, going for drinks and all sorts whereas now it's very rare i see them outside of school/work.

My main issue was that Rose and Lucy both go to school with their boyfriends and they are always with them, so most of the time i am alone and it really upsets me because people don' t talk to me as much when i am not with them.

I was feeling really down one day so told Rose and she stopped ignoring me when he boyfriend was there and now i am always with Rose at school.

However Lucy has really changed, since being with her boyfriend she only talks to me about work or to complain about her boyfriend.

She will stop half way through a conversation and go somewhere with him.

She never asks me to do anything.

She has decided not to go to university anymore.

And she hardly ever comes to school.

Also on my way to work last night i saw her and her boyfriend and then today found out she had been asked to go to work and told them she couldnt.

That made me snap and i shouted at her a little bit about it, she was shocked and then she left. I text her saying that it did come from somewhere because she is different.

I told her it was since she has been with her boyfriend and i haven't spoken to her since.

I'd like to tell her how i feel and that i am really disappointed that she shouted at me for it and now she is doing it to the extreme.

When i get the chance i am going to sort it out and hopefully arrange once a month that we all go do something together NO BOYFRIENDS.

Rose is having a house party on Friday so hopefully she will come there and i can get a chance to talk to her.

Positive outlook

Recently i haven't been in the mood to tolerate much and so my cloudy mood has been reflecting on others and my temper.

I have been saddened by not working, especially when there was a shift available and the person didn't show.

In a result i am lacking behind financially and schools making my feel black as normal.

I just want to tell myself that everything is cool it's just being silly at the moment and we get a week off school on Friday, then it's Halloween and NOVEMBER!

I am really excited to get my hair cut tomorrow even though i have to put off dying it for a while, i just want to wish myself good luck for the next few weeks, i hope your days lighten up a bit.

Pray for a successful weekend of a mixture of activities :)

Love

Happy endings are for stories that haven't finished yet

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Today there was some minor bad news in my house, i only say minor because it wasn't a death or something else tragic, however it did affect most of us and my sister inparticular.

She found out today that her boyfriend cheated on her, which was a real shock as he really isn't that sort of person.

He moved away to go to university last month and things started to get a little rocky and so she sensed something was wrong. 

We all have a feeling they will work past it and hope that they do, nobody can imagine them breaking up so fingers crossed that he comes back this weekend and everything gets sorted.

This event really got me thinking about love and how we are meant to detect if it's real or not? 

People who i have seen in what i would call, good relationships are couples who act like best friends and intimate partners also. Those who never feel uncomfortable or embarrased around their loved one and who genuinely share everything together.

I also hear adults saying "You're too young to know what love is" and i wonder if that is in fact true or not.

Can you ever be too young for love?

I think you can, it is a strong word and we change and adapt ourselves accordingly when we find love, plans may change and things can be put on hold. And when you're young and have your life ahead of you, you should probably be thinking of yourself rather than another human as well.

There are many implications to love, it isn't a happy road to go down, not everything is rosey and swell, there are big decisions to be made, trust issues, paranoia. 

Those in love have arguments, they push each other, but if it's meant to be you'll always work around things.

So why do we as a race want to find love so badly?

For me, love cannot be searched for, it has to be found unexpectedly.

There are countless movies and endless songs about that urge to find love, to have love and to have lost love.

I just don't know what it is we all want...

To take away the loneliness

To have someone to rely on

Someone to hug and kiss

someone to buy us presents and take us places

someone to plan things with

and to have that hope that we'll get asked that big question?

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Luckily i am not one of those girls who is going to fantasies over a crush, or make girly plans on how to see them Saturday and then squeeze myself in to sit with them in the cinema.

I was never bothered about a romance, even though i witnessed my friends go through it, it never occured to me to find it.

Mainly because i'd seen those same friends be hurt by it and i really didn't want that low, pitiful feeling of being walked on.

So i wasn't interested, then nine months ago it did happen and i didn't fall head over heels, or loose my mind in love, i was careful not to get hurt and i wasn't about to put all my energy in to a boy, i prioritise my life and i believe i have had a healthy out look on love.

Because maybe one day it will be, but i can't see it for myself...

Perhaps i will end up watching some romance film on a Saturday night, crying whilst eating my way through sweets and chocolate asking why it went wrong.

Love doesn't always last but sometimes it does and when it's meant to last, it will do, not matter what.

"All we really want is loves confusing joy"

Rumi

Getting more active

                                                  I have had a pretty interesting week!


It started off with an unbearable Monday which completely dragged and i had a load of school stuff to catch up on and when i finally got home i collapsed in bed as i wasn't feeling very well and spent the next two days laying in that very spot.
When i was heavily dosed up with medication and feeling a lot better i decided to go back to school on Thursday, it was a good day to return because i only do half a school day and then my boyfriend was coming to sleep for the night.
When i arrived home i decided to call the nursing home, where i had gone for an interview. As i hadn't heard anything from them... They answered and i was passed onto the manager who told me she was going to ring me later on, then offered me a job at the nursing home, i was very happy however it was a banking job, where they would only need me every so often!
This made a little uneasy because i haven't been working at my other job for two weekends, because they didn't need me and i was really upset about it.
However i was still really interested but i can't start employment until they have a 2nd reference from me and my CRB comes through. So i went straight round to get my form and hand over another reference. 


Moving along... I filled out the CRB and went to hand it in the following day, where i asked if i could have a quick chat with her. We sat in her office and i told her when i started work (fingers crossed) that would be my priority job and i would be willing to quit my other job if i could have more hours there. She seemed very happy about my enthusiasm and agreed that would be an option once everything was sorted, although it's still early days to be talking permanently yet.


I would much rather keep both my jobs because 1, i need the money and 2, i want to have a busier lifestyle, i am tired of lazying about i want to get up and go!
My sudden lift of spirits have really helped me get active and i am looking forward to a hopefully busy working life within the next month.
Watch me regret this then :)

My little story.

i am going to quickly mention that i would never normally write something like that, i much prefer to write adventure/fantasy stories. And i have wrote a book i one day hope to get published, well i was 14 when i wrote the first draft and pretty much the entire plot has changed since then.

A Little Story

I lay here still; as still as though a single movement could knock down an entire city, my eyes wide open piercing into the dimly lit bathroom that has become my source of escape. My dead, black heart beating against my sickly green skin, the power of my beating heart so intense that it could explode, shattering my body into agony, leaving me gasping for air and clinging on to those few good memories i have and then it will take me, take me to a world where i don't have to think of her.

Where all the pain disappears and the ache in my stomach can finally settle, allowing my soul to leave my lifeless body and move on.

And here as i lay on the cold, wet floor i know i am the reason for my own heart break, it wasn't her words that cut me deep like a blade, or her actions that finished the only goodness left in this world.

The tears came then, running down my face and settling around my neck, leaving it moist and  itchy, i tried to scratch the skin so it would settle, but i was so angry and the action left thick, red scars.

I panicked as the small amount of blood seeped on to my fingers, i stared at my hand in shock, i closed my eyes to capture the tears so they wouldn't fall, but it was no use, i was so desperately ruined.

My body managed to pull itself up from the floor, the movement felt like trying to shift a million bricks, i grabbed a couple of tissues from the box on the windowsill and then wiped away the blood from my hands and the rest that had dried onto my neck.

When i was cleaned i turn to look at my reflection in the mirror beside me, my face looked hollow and as if i was made from wax. I touched the skin and it was dry, my eyes were red with tears and my lips were chapped because i had chewed on them so roughly.

Was this what i had come to?

I see no future for me here, not in this town where all the memories i have are of the same, wonderful and beautiful women that caught me in her web three years ago. I smiled awkwardly as i remembered and then the devastation hit me again, it nearly knocked me back.

And as though an Angel heard me, my mobile phone started ringing, my favourite song filling the bathroom, i stood in shock and prayed the caller would be her.

I stiffly rushed to the toilet where it was placed and picked up the phone, to my utter surprise it was her, a picture of us on our first trip to Spain flashed in my face, our smiles so distinct that our happiness radiated from it.

I clicked the answer button and held the phone to my sweating ear,

"Hello? Maria?" My scratchy voice spoke down the phone,

"Harry, yes it's me, i am at your door, can you let me in?" Her voice was harsh, demanding as though she was hear for a strict purpose, rather than to willingly take me back. I started crying, my hand rushed to my mouth in order to keep it quiet.

"Yes, i shall be there in a moment."

The call ended and i had this one special minute, to try and explain to her that she was the only reason for anything i did.

I quickly made myself look more presentable and then i rushed downstairs, not bothering to switch on the lights. I ran through the kitchen and to the front door, i could see her standing there waiting furiously for me through the glass.

I switched on the hall light and scrambled through my coat pocket for a key, when the door was unlocked she walked straight in and closed it behind her.

"I am glad you're here," i sighed in relief as i saw her face, she smiled a little and then her expression was cold.

"I am not here for you, i am here because i am leaving tonight, i am going to stay with my sister, i need to collect a couple of things." Her eyes never met with mine, instead she crossed her arms and looked at the floor.

It was only two hours ago i had admitted the horrible adultery i had been doing behind her back, she cried for ten minutes then left, i was expecting her to return so we could discuss it.

"Maria please, i am so sorry for the terrible hurt i have caused you and i am being honest when i say i truly love you, i can't imagine a world where you can I, don't exist." My voice broke then and i stopped to catch my breathe, my hand rubbed my head desperately thinking of what i could possibly say.

"Where you thinking that, Harry? When you was with that other women? When you were betraying me, in a way i thought you were not capable of doing?"

Her hazel eyes became watery then and so she inhaled a deep breathe and rubbed her chin, her red hair was tangled around her face and her make-up was smudged, i see now how broken she must feel.

"It was a mistake Maria, i huge mistake that i deeply regret. Please Maria stay with me, give me a second chance i would never do this again." My words were true, i was dying inside as we stood here just looking at one another.

"How many times did it happen? Out of curiosity?" I wasn't sure if this was a make or break question, so i lent back on the wall and prepared to answer.

"The first time was three months in to our relationship and i pathetically pushed it to the back of my mind. It happened again when we met on the street a couple of months back, well... it happened several times, within the space of a month."

I cried as i spoke and watched her nod her head, her eyes wide with fury.

"I find it hard to believe that you could love me, you couldn't love a person, who you have spent most of your relationship with them, cheating on them." She paused and looked up at the ceiling.

"Can i..." She cut me off as i tried to defend myself.

"I am not finished! Now when i met you i thought i had finally met the man of my dreams, my best friend and a person who would go to any length to protect me. But i was fooled, i was never the only one, there's always been that other women. Harry, that is just not good enough for me, i deserve better than a rat like you."

She walked away then, stalking out of the room to get what she needed, i screamed out loud with tears and i could not control it. I was pulling at my hair and gagging for air, Maria was not coming back, i had lost the love of my life.

Decisions

Unfortunately in life we all have to make some tough decisions and sometimes those decisions may one day seem like a mistake or could turn out to be the best thing you decided to do.

The thing is, it is pretty scary making decisions in life, because you never know what will happen or what a decision may lead to. 

And so i can't decide whether that is exciting or just scary.

Though isn't that kind of the point of life?

Doing the unexpected, making the most of opportunities?

Here i am now, at 18-years-old and having to make probably the only important decision of my life so far.

And that is where i want to go to university, which city i want to spend three years of my life in, whether i want to move out and live on my own, or if i want to stay comfortable at home.

And especially if i want to move miles away from home or stay near my family and boyfriend.

I used to have it all planned out, i wanted to go to a university down south and get away from the north, because i have seen the north and i wanted new experiences.

And i seriously wanted to go as far away as i could possibly get.

Then i made the right decision to re-sit my year 12 and my mind was changed. Now i am wanting to go to Leeds Trinity University instead of moving down south.

And so i am left thinking if this is the right decision, because yes, i will be close to home and everyone in it, yet far enough to have a totally separate University experience.

But i did dream of moving away and i am scared i will make a wrong decision.

Though i suppose as long as i am happy and i am doing whats best for me, it's never going to be a wrong decision is it?

I guess we are all scared about where we are going to end up and who will be there with us, and we just have to take the journey and keep our own happiness in our heads and our dreams and goals in our hearts.

Because whenever something goes wrong, it always ends up turning right around anyway :)

October's to do list

This month i have a few outings i'd like to journey on and a hand full of presents i'd like to treat myself too :) I am hoping i will gain some extra pennies and be able to do everything on my list, 
i'm always saying 'one day i will do this...' or 'when i have money i will buy this...' and so i am protesting against saying i will do something and then not, and instead i am going to just save up some money and do it all this month.
Even though they are all pretty simple things, i am very easily pleased which i think is a good thing.
It makes buying me gifts much easier for others :)

1st. And most important

Change my boring hair, all i need is to save up some money, get a good hairdressers and ask my boss if i can dye my hair red.

Looking forward to this drastic change.

2nd.

Go to the pub late at night and buy a cool Kopparberg, perhaps elderflower and lime or strawberry and lime!

3rd.

Get myself some dark purple lipstick, i have always wanted some of that stuff and some bright red and black.

I need some mascara whilst i am at it also

4th.

Have a fully blown sweet/movie fest, i want to go to the supermarket with X amount of money and buy all the sweets i want to, instead of limiting myself, Then i would like to come home and which a cool film.

I must look for a partner in this event.

5th.

Have a day of baking, i love baking and i would like to go buy all the ingrediants and bake something really insane and colourful.

I mainly buy packs for baking and then add my own stuff but i want to do it all on my own from scratch, perhaps a few buns and cakes and things like that!

Included with some ace decorations, like pipe icing or them cute sugar animals.

That would by joyful.

6th.

Go on a hugeee winter shopping trip to Leeds City.

I have saved £80 already and hope i can save some more, my plan is to go when my school break up for October half term on the 21st. 

I am waiting until then so i can go really early and spend all day in Leeds, i prefer to go by myself because i can take as much time as i like and then stop and get a drink if i need to.

I am really looking forward to buying a cool hat and scarf :)

So that is my list of things to do and i hope i get all of them done, i'm hoping i will be financially stable to do so.

An extra to-do is have a grand Halloween, my parents are going away in half term so i might be able to have a cool party, dressing up and all.

October

Wahoooo winter is that much closer now that October is here :)

And surprisingly for England we have had a heat wave for the past week, i'm not sure where that came from.

However moving on wards the forecast for the end of the month predicates a hell of a lot of snow, which i will gladly welcome.

Seeing the snow fall over the roads and then getting into a nice, warm bed and falling asleep to then wake up to the news that it is a snow day is wonderful.

Then you take a walk in the snow and return for some hot chocolate and a movie, and then the  rain comes and it turns to mush.

But hopefully it will snow and happen all over again :)

Halloween

Halloween is awesome, i really enjoy this day even though i admit i have never had an amazing costume, i am hoping there will be a party arranged to give me the opportunity.

Or i could just bake some Halloween treats and stuff, which would also be cool.

If i managed to gain an invitation to somewhere that requires me to be in costume, i shall choose to go as a witch.

Last Halloween wasn't great, i worked and then had plans to go to the pub with my best friends, but that fell through so we grabbed a pizza and chilled at my house. However around midnight i was drifting off to sleep when i recieved a phone call from my friend telling me he and another were coming to my house, so i got ready and spoke to them for a few hours. Until the early hours of the morning.

A few weeks later i bought a 50p bun mix pack and made them with my brother, but i hope to do some more baking this year.

The leaves are changing.

There are just a few red, orange and brown leaves on the streets at the moment but i can imagine a lot more will be falling soon.

Also i noticed tonight it was dead dark when it reached half seven, so the night time is creeping upon is much sooner.

It's much better than summerrrrrrr

However on saturday i did find myself buying an ice-cream and spending the day in a park, but i am wishing for the snow.

Happy October :)